Ways to annoy Mustang
by xplanetsx
Summary: Ever wondered how Mustang gets annoyed and irritated? This story will give you all the ways on how he gets annoyed.
1. Basics

Ok, this is a new story but it was an idea given to me :D

Ok the first chapter is just an basic just to get it rolling haha XD this will be a short chapter.

-----------------

Ways to annoy Mustang

**Mission: Ways to annoy Mustang, mission one**

Mustang was walking through the halls thinking to himself that today was going to be a good day. But in the background music, you can hear the jaws theme playing as there is someone approaching Mustang.

"Hey Roy!" Maes said.

"Hughes... what do you want..." Mustang sighed.

"Here! Look! Have I told you! Gracia's pregnant! My first child! I wonder what it'll be! A boy? A girl? Maybe twins!" Hughes said.

"Oh great..." Mustang yawned.

Few months later...

"She's six months pregnant! She loves to have chocolate! You should get a wife and then you might get little kiddies of your own...And maybe with the same hair colour!" Maes said.

Roy glared at him.

"Will you go away! Your wife has...3 months? Left to have the child." Mustang growled.

"So? At least I settled and not a womenizer!" Maes grinned.

Roy then got up.

"I'm busy and got lots of work. Go bother someone else." Mustang said, pushing Hughes out of the room. He slammed the door and clenched his fists.

Mustang sighed and went back to his work.

Mustang then got up and decided to go home. When he did get home, the phone went. Roy grunted and answered.

"Hello..." Roy muttered.

"Hey Roy!" Hughes exclaimed.

Roy grunted.

"Great...what do you want?" Roy said.

"Gracia felt a kick! Ain't that adorable?" Maes said.

"And I care because??" Mustang said.

"Because we're mates and we tell each other everything! Like that new alchemist, Fullmetal? Yeah you told me that he and his little brother had used human transmutation. I will meet them one day." Maes said.

"Right... I only told you because you were bugging me about it. About why you heard that the new alchemist had a metal arm and leg..." Mustang said.

"Haha, you're right Roy...Now what are you going to give to our new baby? Oh? Do I hear you're gonna give him or her a big massive teddy that will be taller than him or her? How nice of you!" Maes exclaimed.

Roy slammed the phone down and walked off.

"God, will he stop bragging!" Roy complained.

The next week, Maes was told to go on a train. He got to the nearest phone and phoned Roy.

"Hey Roy! I may not be there, but I think Gracia is nearly due!" Maes said.

"Maes, I don't care..." Mustang sighed.

Then all of a sudden someone picked up the phone. It was Hawkeye.

"With all due respect, sir, but...Babies are not born at 6 months!" Hawkeye exclaimed and put the phone down. -I just had to put that in :D-

"Gee, what a spoil sport..." Maes muttered.

Mustang sighed.

"Thanks" Mustang said.

"No problem sir." Hawkeye said and went back to her work.

"But any need to slam the phone? You could've just given the phone back" Mustang sighed.

"Sir, you need to tell him to stop it and maybe he will." Hawkeye said.

"That won't stop him.." Mustang yawned.

Maes called Roy back.

"Hey Roy! Someone seemed to have interupted our conversation." Maes laughed.

"Yeah...someone did...." Mustang gritted his teeth. "What now, Maes?"

"I can't wait for the baby to be born!" Hughes said.

"Hughes...." Mustang growled.

"Huh??" Hughes said and then put the phone down.

"Hughes?" Mustang said, while he was slowly putting the phone down.

Mustang heard the phone go. He wondered what was going on. But he knew whats going on. This was the same train that the Elric brothers are on.

3 months later.

Little Elysia is born.

"Hey Roy! Elysia is born! Its a little girl! How adorable is she! You better buy her a present!" Maes said.

Will you stop annoying me!!!" Mustang hissed.

"Why, how am I annoying you!" Maes said.

"You just are!" Mustang growled.

"Ok, ok, fine. I won't annoy you," Hughes said.

Mustang put down the phone and sighed with relief.

Then the phone rung.

"Hello" Mustang said.

"Hi! When are you going to buy her a present!" Hughes said.

"Oh, bother..." Mustang sighed.

"What?" Hughes said.

Mustang just put down the phone and smacked his head to the desk.

------------------

Hope you like the first chapter! Very basic but oh well!! next chapters will eventually get better i hope! review if you have any ideas i dont mind :D


	2. RoyMyBoy'

Ok! Next chapter for Ways to annoy Mustang!! okii theres two characters of mine in this!! only coz they rule! oh a warning: **GUY IN MINISKIRT!! **hehe loooollll!!!!!

Hope you enjoy!! ^_^

* * *

**Mission two: steal Mustang's favourite pudding....and what do you do with it?? well, its obvious what you should do.**

It was lunchtime and Mustang went into the lunch hall. It was just like everyday. Noisy and busy. He yawned and then went to collect lunch. But his favourite pudding had been taken.

"Darn it...Hawkeye can't even let us go so easily." Mustang muttered.

Mustang sat a table and started to look around. He kept thinking 'who stole my pudding'. -hey, you were late, someone else took it, first comes served!-

He had suspects. He looked where Ed was sitting, no pudding, but he may of eaten it already. He looked at Havoc, nope, he hates pudding. He looked at the rest of his subordinates, nope, he looked at Armstrong, no pudding. So who stole Mustang's pudding. There were two gleams somewhere in the distance.

"Hey, its Musty...." One said.

"Yeah, wasn't it fun to steal his favourite pudding..." The other said.

"Too bad Roy-my-boy doesn't know who stole them as he asked Hawkeye to save him one. Too bad! Ain't that right, Nial?"

"Too right, Nigel!" Nial grinned. -yay! Nial and Nigel the twins for those who dont know them!!-

Mustang got up and then felt a rush of wind flash before his eyes. He blinked and saw the twins.

"Hellooo!" Nial said.

"We're Nigel and Nial! We're your best friends!" Nigel grinned.

"What?" Mustang said.

"Will you be our mommy!" They begged.

Mustang glared at them.

"Go away, freaks! I have no time for this!" Mustang said and walked past them.

The twins high fived each other and then walked off somewhere.

"We shall save this pudding for later!" Nigel smirked.

"Why, Nigel?" Nial asked.

"I got a whole lotta pranks in store for Mustang!" Nigel grinned and whispered into his brother's ear to tell him all the pranks he has in store.

They high fived each other.

Mustang was in his office and then he heard some noice. It was coming out of the office. Mustang grunted and got up and opened the door...to find...a big chicken and a big dog muck costumes.

Mustang raised an eye.

"What the hell?" Mustang said.

He kept prodding at the chicken and didn't want to poke the muck one.

Then the chicken pounced on him.

"Moooommmmmmyyyyyy!!!!!" Nigel yelled.

"AHHH!" Mustang said.

"Hey, Roy-my-boy!!!" Nigel said.

"Get the hell off me!" Mustang said.

Mustang was giving a chicken a piggy back ride.

Nigel dropped off and walked to Nial.

"Brother, he's mean" Nigel whined.

"Yeah, brother, how mean!" Nial said, and they walked off.

Mustang sighed, but he turned around and then stood on something.

"Ohhh, Musty! We forgot, our dog left its mess round about where you're standing..." Nial said, popping his head around the corner.

Mustang looked down and he had in fact stood on dog muck.

"...PESKY TWINS!!" Mustang yelled.

The twins ran off, laughing their heads off.

After 15 minutes, Mustang came back, with Hawkeye shooting her gun past him.

"Hey! It weren't my fault! I was here, but then some twins made me step in dog muck!" Mustang argued.

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow.

"Those boys are nothing but innocent boys. Stop blaming them for your lateness." Hawkeye said.

Mustang opened his mouth to argue.

Innocent? Mustang thought.

The next day and Mustang was tired, he didn't noticed that some of his items of clothing were gone. He even didn't notice what he was going to wear. -uh...oh....... i sence a song coming on hahaha! lol but uh oh..they're in trouble hahaa-

Mustang walked to work today, but that was his biggest mistake....

The twins were following him.

"HAHAHAHA!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HASN'T NOTICED!! AND WHY HASN'T HE?" Nigel shreiked.

"I KNOW!" Nial yelled.

Mustang then woke up properly and the girls were giggling. Mustang has noticed...his legs were cold... and guess what... HE WAS WEARING A FLAMING MINISKIRT!!!!!

"GAAAAHHHH!!!" Mustang shreiked.

Nial and Nigel skipped to the side of him.

"Now that looks good! Now you tested what mini skirts will look like on women...now you can have mini skirts!" Nigel smirked.

"YOU BRATS!!" Mustang growled.

Mustang then ran off.

"Can't waaaiiiittt to show everyone the pictures we took! Heh, at lunchtime!" Nigel grinned.

"Super!" Nial grinned.

Lunchtime.

Mustang had avoided the twins. He was seriously annoyed. Maes appeared.

"Sheesh, and you call me annoying?" Maes sighed.

Mustang glared at Maes.

"LAAAADDDDDDDIIIIEEEESSSSS!! ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!!! WE MAY HEARD THIS QUOTE FROM AN UNOWN ACTOR, 'COLONEL MUSTANG IS DEAD SEXY....HEH IN A MINISKIRT'!!!!" Nigel yelled.

They were on a platform.

Mustang and Maes turned their heads.

"Who said that? Vic Mignogna!! Whoever he is... But anyway, with that quote...we bring you... MUSTANG IN A MINISKIRT!!!!" Nial laughed. -haha i had to put viccy in!! LOL! a actor mentioned in fullmetal fanfic hahaha LMAO-

Then, they had a slideshow of Mustang in a miniskirt.

"GAAAHH!" Mustang said and then ran out of the room.

"Musty! You forgot your favourite pudding" Nial called.

Mustang turned around.

"You're the ones who stole the last piece?" Mustang said, through gritted teeth.

"Yup! We don't even like the pudding" Nigel said.

"Why you little-!" Mustang said, but before he could answer the sentence, the pudding was thrown at his face!

"GET BACK HERE!!!" Mustang said and ran after them.

* * *

Haha bring in some twins and thats how you get an annoyed mustang haha!!!!! Thanks for reading guy! merci les gars pour la lecture! hehe!! thats french for thanks for reading guys HA lol :D sorry that was well out of boredom!! hold on....

"Ouais! Nous n'aimons pas même le pouding" Nigel a dit.

"Pourquoi vous petit!" Le mustang a dit, mais avant qu'il pourrait répondre à la sentence, le pouding a été lancé à son visage!

"RENTREZ ICI!!!" Le mustang a dit et les a courus. Haha thats the ending bit. hahha sorry excuse me....

until next time see ya!!


	3. Sparky'

Next chapter on ways to annoy roy!! ANd theres a character that doesnt' belong to me :D character is from Crazy kid 0.o sorry if i make her personality bad O.O

* * *

**Mission 3: Call him a stupid nickname and then make him think theres someone out to get him, meaning hit him where it hurts.**

Mustang was in his office, looking through paperwork. He wanted a day off, but couldn't.

He decided to walk home, or in fact, his car broke down, and no, not broken down like the engine won't start, it literally broke down, wheels were taken off, and the driver wheel too. Mustang then thought of the twins. Mustang shivered, and then....a girl bumped into him.

"Whoa, sorry." The girl said.

"Better be, I'm not in a good mood." Mustang grunted.

The girl glared at him and walked off.

The girl got home and then looked into the telephone book.

It was the next day and Mustang was in his office when the phone rang.

"Hello." Mustang said, hoping its not Hughes.

"Hi sparky!" The girl said.

Mustang then thought.

"Who the bloody hell are you? How did you get the military's number?" Mustang growled.

"It ain't rocket science, sparky, go spark up a whole load of fireworks and then you get the military's number. Its called a phonebook. Oops sorry I'm not in a good mood so you better be sorry!" The girl said.

Mustang raised his eye. Mustang hung up the phone.

"Ok..." Mustang said.

"Parcel for a Colonel Mustang" A leitenant said.

Mustang took the parcel and then opened it. It was a small letter saying 'SPARKY' and thats all, a big box, and a small letter. Mustang ripped up the piece of paper.

"Katie, how long are you going to tease the Flame Alchemist with the sparky buisiness?" Katie's friend said.

"Until the day he dies." Katie said.

A week later.

"Sparky...Haha, thats a name we haven't come up with! But, Roy-my-boy is better..." Nial said.

"No, Sparky is the best one!" Nigel argued.

The had each others heads and were fighting about it. Mustang glared at them.

"Why is she calling me sparky! Its a stupid nickname!" Mustang said.

"Coz you create flames!" Havoc said.

Mustang glared at him. Havoc thought this was funny.

Hawkeye shot her gun.

"Get back to your work, sir, just ignore the girl." Hawkeye said.

The twins were there shaking their finger at him.

Mustang then glared at them all. The phone rang and Mustang answers.

"Hello" Mustang said.

"I'm gonna kick ya where it hurts..." Katie said, in a different voice. "Beware."

Mustang slammed the phone down.

"There's someone out to get me!" Mustang said.

"Maybe if you didn't steal people's girlfriends, maybe they won't be out to get you." Hughes said.

Mustang just looked at him.

"Is it my fault?" Mustang said.

Everyone nodded, except from Hawkeye.

"You're pathetic. Your scared of someone who might now know you?" Hawkeye said.

After work, Mustang was walking home, as his car is still in repairs. He kept turning his head around thinking there's someone out to get him. He sighed and carried on walking and then...

"Sparky!" Katie called.

Mustang turned around.

"What!" Mustang growled.

"I was just saying hi, Sparky..." Katie said.

"Stop calling me that name!" Mustang snapped.

"Sparky? I find that a cool nickname!" Katie said.

"I don't." Mustang said.

"Too bad Sparky. See ya!" Katie said and ran off.

Next day and Mustang was in his office, which was full of sticky notes to the wall saying SPARKY.

"These are all your messages" Hawkeye said.

Mustang gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

"She's seriously annoying me!" Mustang snapped.

"You must of done something wrong." Hawkeye said.

"I've done nothing wrong!" Mustang said.

They all raised their eyebrows.

"You most probaly have" Hawkeye said.

"Since when?" Mustang complained.

"Since you tried to split me and Envy up." Katie said, from out of no where.

They all looked at her.

"What?" Ed said.

"Ohh, sorry, this is not where I'm from...Oops. See ya!" Katie said and ran off. -i really think shes out of character O.O yes, in Crazy kid 0.o's story, shes going out with envy and in earth etc, you would have to read it.-

Mustang then glared.

"She's wacko, I tell you!" Mustang said.

"ENVY!" Ed said, choking.

"What the hell was she talking about anyway? Where did she come from?" Hawkeye wondered. -haha i wonder how too...-

Katie came back.

"Oh, one more thing." Katie said and then kicked him where it hurts. "See ya Sparky!"

Mustang was on the floor while Katie was running away. And he kept hearing 'sparky' all over again. "She's...the caller...she's out to get me...I'm dead meat!" Mustang yelped.

Hawkeye just shook her head and carried on with her work, not bothering with Mustang, while everyone was watching him while he's in pain.

**Call him names and kick him where it hurts. Always work :D**

----------

Was it ok? Sorry if it was slightly rubbish D: and sorry if Katie is out of character crazy kid 0.o


	4. Pick up a phone

Next chappie to ways to annoy roy hehehe!!

* * *

**Mission 4: Get a phone.**

The twins were bored and then thought of a brilliant way to stop their boredom. They picked up their phone and dialed in Mustang's work number and rung it. Nial had to cough a few times as he was good at doing this person's voice.

"Hello?" Mustang said.

"Helloo Roy! It Hughes here!!" Nial said.

"Hughes stop bugging me!" Mustang growled and hung up.

The twins were laughing their heads off.

"My turn." Nigel grinned.

Mustang's phone rang.

"Hello" Mustang said, still in a mood.

"Mustang, I love you!" Nigel giggled, in a girly voice.

Mustang put the phone down. -I'm surprised hes not trying to chat 'her' up-

"That...was scary..." Mustang said.

A day later.

Mustang's phone rung again.

"Hello" Mustang said.

"I love you!" Nigel said, in his girly voice.

"Gah!" Mustang screamed and put down the phone.

The twins laughed harder.

"I got one." Nial snickered.

Ten minutes later, the phone rang again.

"What!" Mustang growled.

"Sig ikke du, hvad til mig!" Nial said. -don't you say what to me-

"Ok...What are you saying?" Mustang asked.

"Jeg siger, at du har ved stolthed og at du ynder roderi med kvinders hoveder" Nial muttered. -I am saying that you have know pride and that you love to mess with women's heads, meaning like play with their hearts etc-

"I can't understand your language!" Mustang yelled.

"Og jeg kan ikke forstå, hvordan du er oberst! Når du er dum og stum!" Nial yelled back. -And I can't understand how you are a colonel! When you are stupid and dumb!-

Mustang slammed the phone down.

"Now now, sir, don't slam down the phone" Hawkeye said.

"This is worst than that weird girl!" Mustang complained.

"The one who kicked you where it hurts?" Havoc asked.

"Yeah!" Mustang said.

"That...was funny" Braida laughed.

Mustang glared at them.

There was another phone call.

"Gee, you're popular.." Hawkeye said, and got up and answered the phone, without saying hello.

"Mustang, I love you!" Nigel snickered.

Hawkeye put the phone down and turned to Mustang.

"Some girl said they love you..." Hawkeye said.

"Gah! She's been doing this since yesterday! I don't know how she got this number!" Mustang said, freaking out.

The phone rang again and Hawkeye answered it again.

"Jste usnul s mé přítelkyně!" Nial said. -You slept with my girlfriend! (haha thats a big lie nial hahaha-

"How can I sleep with your girlfriend? I'm a girl. I would advise you to stop prankcalling, Nial and Nigel." Hawkeye said, understanding the fluent language.

"Gah! We've been caught!" Nial squeeled and hung up.

Mustang went back to his desk.

"Its the twins... Idiots" Mustang growled.

"They're most probaly the girl who keeps saying 'I love you' too." Hawkeye sighed.

"Thats a relieve...but creepy" Mustang muttered and went back to work.

The twins were walking round town and then saw Ling.

"Ling! Hey, we got a mission for you!" Nial called.

"Really? I'm in!" Ling said.

Lan Fan and Fu looked at each other.

The twins entered the office of Mustang.

"Hello!" Nigel bellowed.

"You two... Don't call this number for no entire reason!" Mustang said.

"What? We never called you." Nigel argued.

Then the phone rang.

"Hello" Mustang said.

"أهلا..!! هل حصل وطنكم التأمين?" Ling said, in Xingese. -OK Not in xingese (duh) but its arabic :D I did this in my other story, originally with ling, but then i decided to put this in it hehe. oh it means Hello! Have you got your home insurance?-

Mustang knew xingese, as rumors have it, he comes from Xing! -well, ma sis said he does coz he doesnt look much amestrian but xingese...i agree :D but anywho... we make him xingese hehe-

"لا, لسنا في حاجة البيت الأول للتأمين, شكرا لك وداعا" Mustang smirked. -no, I don't need home insurance, thank you goodbye-

Mustang hung up and the twins and everyone else were looking at him.

"OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW FLUENT XINGESE!!" Nial screamed.

"Sir, how do you do that?" Havoc said.

"He's an alien, thats all you need to know" Ed said.

"Please, I know Xingese," Mustang said, glaring at them all. "Plus, how do you know that I was speaking Xingese, Nial and Nigel?" Mustang was smirking.

"Coz we come from Xing! Don't skit!" Nial lied.

Nial and Nigel then legged it out of the room.

"Failed!" Nigel hissed.

"Mustang is a clever alien!" Nial whined.

Nigel and Nial then went home, after work, and then found Ling.

"Do you know any other language?" Nial asked.

"No, sorry" Ling said.

"Ok. See ya! Here's all Mustang's food that we stole! No more food for him!" Nigel yelled, as they ran off.

They ran into Katie.

"Yo, Katie, do you know any languages?" Nigel asked.

"Drachma!" Katie said. -not really, obiously, but, oh well :D-

"You got a mission!" Nial grinned.

"Nope, you guys are bonkers anyway. See ya" Katie said and turned around and walked off.

"Its involves Mustang!" Nial called.

Katie turns around and walks back.

"I'm in"

The twins come back in the office.

"Roy-My-Boy!!" They called.

"Greeeeaaaattt" Mustang sighed.

The phone rang and Mustang picked it up.

"Hello?" Mustang said.

"Вы впитываете воду" Katie said. -you suck in water.- +Its actually russian :D+

"What?" Mustang muttered.

"назовите себя алхимиком пламени?" Katie said. -call yourself the flame alchemist?-

"What the hell are you saying!!" Mustang yelled.

"Вы должны уйти. ОСТАВЛЕННЫЙ! ОСТАВЛЕННЫЙ! ОСТАВЛЕННЫЙ! ОСТАВЛЕННЫЙ!!!" Katie yelled. -You should quit. QUIT! QUIT! QUIT! QUIT!!! -

"Stop bothering me!" Mustang yelled.

"Я ненавижу Вас, и все мужчины убьют Вас! Поскольку Вы украли их подруг. Я желаю, чтобы Вы умерли" Katie snorted. -I hate you and all men will kill you! As you steal their girlfriends. I wish you die-

Mustang then hung up.

The twins walked out and high fived each other. They were happy that they have annoyed Mustang.

* * *

hehe!! if you guys want that website that I have found that lets you change whatever ur sayin to another language...just ask :P


	5. friends

Next chappie to ways to annoy mustang !! and its a cross over hehe!! FULLMETAL AND F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!!!! HAHAHAH!! LOL sorry this idea came straight away after publishing the 4th chapter :D

-------------------

**Mission 5: a little bit of friends will help ;)**

Mustang was in his house, reading the newspaper when there is a knock at the door. He grunted and went to the door. He opened it.

"Hey, we just moved here, we're Monica and Chandler Bing" Monica said.

"Hi..." Mustang said.

"Wow, its almost as if you're a ghost. Hahahaa!" Chandler joked. -sorry, cant do chandlers jokes haaha-

"What you mean?" Roy asked.

"Coz your hair is black and your face is white, it looks like you're a ghost." Chandler said.

Roy just lifted his head.

"Chandler, just go." Monica said. -NO CHANDLER DONT-

"Ok..." Chander said.

"His jokes...are crap" Roy said, after Chandler was gone.

"I know!" Monica said, loudly.

Roy was walking in town when he heard someone shout.

"MY SANDWICH!!! YOU ATE MY SANDWICH!!"

Roy then walked over.

"Ross! Leave it." The brunette said.

"Rachel, no, he ate my sandwich that Monica made" Ross argued.

"Who cares! Chandler would react better than you, most probaly give a worst joke, mind you" Rachel said.

So, these people know those weird people? Loud and jokey? Roy thought.

Ross was pulled away by Rachel. Roy then walked off.

It was the next day and Monica and Chandler came back to Mustang's house and knocked on the door.

"Hey! We're doing a party, if ya wanna come" Monica said.

"Bring some friends if you want. Make sure they're not hot. Hahahaa" Chandler joked.

Monica hit him.

"Bring some friends. Any friends." Monica said.

"Sure." Mustang said.

Mustang told Hughes and everyone.

"Some people who moved to the neighbourhood, one with bad, I mean bad, jokes and one whos loud, so can you come, I don't want to be stuck there on my own..." Mustang said.

"I'm there!" Havoc called.

"Sure, I'm sure Gracia would like to meet some new friends. And so would I!" Hughes said.

"Sure." Hawkeye said.

They got to the party and two more people came.

"I'm gonna play you all a song" A girl said.

"Woo!" Monica called.

"Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?

Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...

They won't take you to the vet.

You're obviously not their favorite pet.

You may not be a bed of roses,

And you're no friend to those with noses.

Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?

Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!"

"Go Phoebe!" Monica called.

"Thank you" Phoebe said.

The other person was sat eating.

"Joey! Save some for the guests!" Rachel said.

"But I'm hungry!" Joey complained.

"I'm hungry too, where's the food" Ed said.

"Alright! See? People are hungry when they're hungry!" Joey said.

"Tfft." Rachel said. "A pipsquek like him would say that."

"I'M NOT SMALL!!"

"You tell her man! Rachel, don't call anyone small, when you're small too" Joey said.

"Ooh, ooh, what we argueing about? I wanna join. I'm Phoebe" Phoebe said.

"I'm Ed." Ed said.

Only Roy and the people he asked to come and Phoebe, Joey, Ross and Rachel came.

"We should get to know each other!!" Phoebe cried.

They all sat in a circle.

"I'm Phoebe Buffe, my mother committed suicide when I was young, I had my brother's triplets...." Phoebe said.

"What?" Hughes said.

"Oh I had my brother's triplets." Phoebe repeated.

"Thats weird." Mustang said.

"No, no, no. We weren't like that, no, he and his wife, can't have kids as she was miles older than him. So they took her e-" Phoebe explained.

"Ok, Phoebe, who's next" Monica said.

"I will, I'm Rachel and I work at Ralph Lauren, I jilted my ex at the alter-" Rachel said.

"How can you jilt him? Weddings are so beautiful" Maes said.

"Now, now, Maes, some people might not want to marry their partners" Gracia smiled.

"How you doing?" Joey asked, in the famous way he always says it in.

"Dude, she's taken" Ross said.

"What? She's hot" Joey complained.

"Who's next..." Monica called.

"I'm Chandler, married to Monica, we kept it secret for a first few months, my mom and dad split up as dad was gay and a tranvestite, people thought I was gay...." Chandler said.

"Stay away from us!!!" Nial and Nigel yelled.

"Ooh, twins, I'm a twin you know." Phoebe said.

Mustang was irritated.

An hour later.

"I'm Maes, and I'm married to Gracia, we have a 4 year old daughter. Here's a picture. Its sooo cute!" Maes said, showing the picture.

Monica turned to Chandler.

"We have got to have a baby" Monica said.

"Ok..." Chandler said.

"Ok, its your turn" Monica smiled to Riza.

"Oh. I'm Riza, and I'm a sharp shooter." Riza muttered.

"You bet you are" Joey smirked.

Riza looked at him.

"How you doing?" Joey smiled.

"I'm doing fine...until you spoke" Riza said.

Everyone then looked at Ross.

"What? Oh, I'm Ross, I'm Monica's older brother. I'm a paeliantologist" Ross said.

Everyone just looked at him, with crickets in the background.

"Oh don't worry, he's not boring. He had three divorces. One included me, which he shouldn't of lied about" Rachel laughed.

"You dated this geek?" Mustang said.

"Yes, unfortunately." Rachel smiled.

"I'm a Colonel, by the way" Mustang smirked.

Rachel laughed. "Ohh you... teaser!"

"Don't date him, miss Green" Nial grinned.

"He's a womenizer" Nigel smirked.

Mustang was sitting next to the food, as he was getting annoyed. Ross then went to him.

"So, er, you were chatting up Rachel." Ross said.

"Yeah, why? You got a problem? Not like you're _dating _at the moment" Mustang said.

"Yeah. You're right." Ross said, giving up.

Ross then walks to Rachel.

"He he, so, if that man asks you out, he he, you gonna accept?" Ross asks, calmly.

"Err..Sure. You got a problem?" Rachel asked.

"No...He's a womenizer." Ross said.

"Thats what those....weird twins said." Rachel said.

Ross laughed weirdly, and then walks away.

Phoebe went to Mustang.

"Its not weird to help your brother and his partner to have a baby. Its called helping. The military these days don't seem to help! Its war, war, war with them. You should be ashamed of yourself mr gothy colonel pants" Phoebe said.

Mustang raised an eyebrow.

Hughes came over.

"Thats a nice thing I say, your brother and his partner are very lucky to have you as their sister and sister in law." Hughes grinned.

"Of course! Its a good deed, so I do good deeds!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Yeah, you go do good deeds." Hughes clapped.

Geez, two hyper people becoming friends.... now thats annoying. Mustang thought.

Joey comes up to Mustang.

"So, your a Colonel...I bet you have no problem getting ladies. I'm an actor." Joey said.

Mustang just looked at him.

"He doesn't have many jobs, maybe because he needs more lessons hahaha" Chandler joked.

Joey looked at Chandler.

"Thats mean, man" Joey said.

"Well its true" Chandler grinned.

"Aren't you meant to support him?" Mustang sighed.

"Yeah!" Joey exclaimed.

"I was just saying," Chandler muttered.

"I don't want to see you for the rest of the year" Joey said and walked off.

"Joey..." Chandler called.

"No!" Joey yelled, and pointed his finger at him.

Chandler turned to Mustang.

"Why did you have to say that?" Chandler said and walked off.

Mustang was walking around. But was interupted when Monica jumped in front of him.

"So, hows the food?" Monica asked.

Mustang had a plate of food in his hands, he looked at it.

"Its...good." Mustang said.

"I know! I made it." Monica grinned.

"Are you a chef?" Mustang asked.

"Yes! Head chef." Monica said.

"Maybe you can get your own restaurant." Mustang suggested.

Monica then thought. Chandler appeared.

"Oh no he gave Monica an idea." Chandler muttered.

"Yes! Thats a good idea! I'm gonna have my own restaurant!" Monica squeeled.

Mustang covered his ears.

Mustang went to Riza, but she was with Joey.

"How you doing?" Joey asked.

"I'm fine, like I said before." Riza growled.

"How bout a date with Joey to calm you down." Joey smirked.

Riza glared at him, and Mustang also did too.

"No, you're as worst than the Colonel" Riza said.

"How am I?" Joey exclaimed.

"You sleep with all the women on the frist date" Rachel said, walking past.

Riza got out her gun.

"I don't sleep with guys... Now excuse me" Riza said.

"She has a gun!" Joey yelled.

Mustang was laughing. But he was still annoyed.

"Oh! Look, we found ugly naked guy!" Phoebe called.

All the Friends people went to look.

"Eww! You peep on people while they're naked?" Mustang asked.

"Its fun!" Phoebe said.

Mustang sighed and went to Hughes.

"These people are weird. And annoying." Mustang growled.

The next day. Mustang was in work when someone came into his office.

"I'm an actor, so I can act like a soldier, can I have a job!" Joey asked.

"Did you...break sucurity?" Mustang asked.

"Well, yeah, I need a job...and they won't let me in!" Joey said.

"Hey! There he is! Get back here! Sorry Colonel" A sargeant said.

"No, no, leave it, I'll sort it." Mustang sighed.

The sargeant saluted and left.

"Thanks!" Joey said.

"Now, go home, you don't have any qualification in military etc, you're an actor, you act, this is not all 'house' or whatever, you go into wars." Mustang growled.

"Aww man" Joey said.

Joey then left.

"God, call him an adult!" Mustang growled.

"Sir....we think you may need....anger management" Hawkeye said.

"Why?" Mustang said.

"Sir, you've been getting annoyed and you never know, you might unleash mega anger." Hawkeye said.

Then the phone rang. Mustang picks it up.

"Hello" Mustang said.

"Hey, its Chandler, I was wondering if you can come to dinner tomorrow, as we would like to know our friend more." Chandler said.

Mustang then accepted and then banged his head on the table.

"Help" Mustang grunted.

* * *

Haha bring in friends hahaha sorry if its crap D: but it was an idea


	6. A must must for gaga

ok next chapter on ways to annoy mustang. this idea is just bonkers and its just a one off haha

--------------

**Mission : Mustang is to become 'gaga' **-any guesses?-

Mustang was flicking through the channels, at his work. -yeah inoo it would be 1920's but i dont care they will have a tv XD-

He flicked through a music channel.

"Music....huh?" Mustang said.

The song that was playing now was Lady Gaga- Bad romance. -lol-

"Oh my god, what the hell is she wearing! And her eyes are...weird!" Mustang yelled.

Hawkeye came in and looked at the tv screen. She raised an eye.

"Sir, are you watching Lady Gaga?" Hawkeye asked. -lol in real life she wouldn't know about Lady Gaga...but its a story XD-

"And what a weird name to call herself! No, I was flicking through." Mustang argued.

"Turn her off. We know you fancy her." Hawkeye said.

Mustang glared at her.

There was going to be a party and Bradley wants a singer to sing at the party. He went to the twins.

"I know you boys have great taste in music. Would you go off and find a singer to sing at the party?" Bradley asked.

"Uh...sure?" Nial said.

They walked off.

"We don't know any singers" Nigel complained.

"Lets go find someone else...what about that Katie girl..." Nial suggested.

They found Katie.

"Hey, you know any good singers?" Nial asked.

"Yeah some." Katie said.

"Do you know any that might annoy Mustang though?" Nigel asked.

Nial looked at him.

"Lady Gaga" Katie answered. "I don't like her music, or her, but I'm sure she'll annoy Mustang somehow."

Nial and Nigel high fived each other.

"Thanks! She'll sure annoy Mustang by her name and the clothes she wears!" Nigel smirked.

"Can't believe we didn't think of Lady Gaga" Nial grinned.

"Now we have to pay her loads of money, which the Fuhrer gave us." Nigel said.

"Glad to be some help. Gotta go, see ya" Katie said and went off.

"She's ever so secretive" Nial said.

They got to the recording studio and then they found Lady Gaga.

"Lady Gaga!! We're your number one fans!" Nigel called.

"My number one fans? Thats cool. Why you here?" Lady Gaga asked.

"We want you to sing at the military party, we got the money. Please? Pwetty please?" Nial begged.

"When is it first?" She asked.

"Its this friday"

Lady Gaga had to go talk to her manager. Nial and Nigel were looking around. They then saw Lady Gaga come back.

"Sure," She said.

"Yay! We love you Lady Gaga!" Nial called.

It was friday and everyone was wondering who the twins have chosen. Then some music appeared, and then it went into Pokerface. Everyone was cheering. Mustang turned around and went.

"Its the crazy styled Lady Gaga...those twins..." Mustang gritted their teeth.

"You don't like her, Roy-my-boy? We love her!" Nial smirked.

Mustang glared at them.

After the song.

"Thank you, any request's for any of my songs?" Lady Gaga asked.

"Bad Romance!" One called.

"Just dance"

Lady Gaga laughed.

"She has a weird laugh" Mustang said.

After the party, the twins have an idea. It was night time and then the twins snuck into Mustang's house and placed next to him a recording that tells him: you are Lady Gaga, you like to dress in outragious outfits, you love to party and sing.

The next day, Hawkeye came into work, and everyone was there except Mustang.

"Where's the Colonel?" Hawkeye asked.

The door slammed open, and there stood Ed.

"You never gonna believe what Mustang is doing" Ed smirked.

They all went into the dining hall and then saw Mustang singing to Pokerface, in full costume. No one could speak.

"I'm gonna have a nightmare...." Havoc said.

"I'm gonna throw up!" Ed growled. "COVER YOUR DAMN LEGS MUSTANG!!"

Next day...

Mustang comes into work, not remembering what had happened yesterday. When he entered, everyone was looking at him, including Ed and Al. Nial and Nigel came in.

"Mustang, you should of seen what you have done yesterday...soo funny" Nial laughed.

"We got it on tape" Nigel smirked.

"Gimme it..." Mustang grumbled.

Mustang watched it and then growled.

"Who made me turn into Lady Gaga...And I'm wearing no pants!!" Mustang growled.

The twins ran off.

"I'm seriously annoyed" Mustang snarled.

"Mustang...you gave me nightmares! Police would of thought you were a paedophile dressing like that! Poor little kiddies" Ed said.

Mustang glared at Ed.

* * *

hahaha lol it was just an idea.. just a random...idea XD like it? hate it? hahaha


	7. Fake A Death

New chapter for Ways To Annoy Mustang! WOOP!

**Mission: Hawkeye Is Dead.**

Mustang was in his office, and looked up and noticed Hawkeye hasn't appeared for work yet. No sick notice, nothing. He jolted up, he thought something had happened to her. But then, Nial and Nigel came in, all sad and depressed. They went to Hawkeye's spot and started to cry and hug the chair.

"Father! Why did you leave us! Father, you promised you will never leave us" Nial sniffed.

"What they on about? Who's Father?" Havoc whispered.

"I dunno, but Father is Leitenant Hawkeye and the Mother is the Colonel to them" Breda whispered.

Havoc nodded and remembered that they called them those names, because Hawkeye acted like the Father and Mustang more like the Mother.

"Alright, you two what the hell you doing" Mustang asked.

"We're mourning, Colonel, dunno why you aren't.." Nigel wept.

"Mourning for what" Mustang growled.

"What, haven't you heard, Father-Hawkeye-was killed when trying to fight that jackass Scar" Nial said.

Mustang stared at them, not believing a word.

*** 3 hours before***

Mustang's work phone was ringing, Nial and Nigel were in the office, when the phone was ringing.

Nial answered it.

"Mustang's office, no one is here yet" Nial said.

"I thought so... Its Hawkeye here" Hawkeye said.

"Father!" Nial exclaimed.

Nigel made a excited face and whispered to Nial "It's Father? Awesome"

"No, I'm not your Father, stop calling me it.. Pass on a message to the Colonel I won't be coming in today...I'm not feeling too well.." Riza said.

"Gee, you don't sound ill, Father" Nial said.

"Stop calling me Father! No I don't sound ill, but I am ill. Now I got to go rest. Goodbye" Hawkeye said and put the phone down.

Nial and Nigel looked at each other and high fived. They went to a computer and typed out a letter of Hawkeye's "death" and a fake signature from the Fuhrer.

"Here's the letter" Nial said, and crawled across the floor to hand Mustang the fake letter, which was now crumpled.

Mustang read it.

"So, it's true..." Mustang said.

A few hours later, Mustang went into a bar and drank. He couldn't stop thinking about Hawkeye being dead. It had to be a fake, because Hawkeye was the best sniper in Amestris. Mustang shook his head and left the bar.

The next day.

Mustang entered the office, tired, he hadn't had any sleep at all, too busy confused on how she could of died.

"Sir! Hawkeye isn't dead," Breda said, pointing to Hawkeye.

Mustang blinked. "Those twins..." Mustang said and clenched his fists.

"Sorry, Sir, those twins faked my so called "Death", I was ill yesterday as my throat was sore." Hawkeye said.

"Ok." Mustang said, and walked out the room.

"Sir, where you going, you got paperwork to do." Hawkeye called after him.

"After I burned those fricken twins!" Mustang yelled.

Nial and Nigel then walked into the office after Mustang had gone.

"Father, Mommy is gonna kill us" Nial wailed.

They went over to her, and then they heard a gun shot go flying past their heads.

"When I ask you to tell the Colonel that I was ill, I mean it, not say I'm dead. You got that?" Hawkeye growled.

"Yes sir" They whined and walked off.

Mustang came back.

"They disappeared!" Mustang said.

"Sir, they just came after you gone, but Hawkeye scared them off" Fuery said.

Mustang went back out.

"Where you going" Hawkeye said.

"Burning them!"

Hawkeye sighed and went back to work.

Short chapter sorry D: But its there, an update :D


End file.
